If you’ve come to a point in your life where you’ve realized you have either given your power away or that it was taken from you, this article will show you how to reclaim your power and take back control of your life.
There are many things in life that feel out of our control, but who we are and what we do is a choice we make every single day. Sometimes we allow others to dictate our choices because we’re afraid or we think we’re helpless, but we should never make ourselves smaller, deny our power, or give up on our dreams to make other people more comfortable or gain their approval.
Reclaiming your power requires you to decide that you are in control of what you do, that only you get to determine what your life looks like, that you can create anything you want, and that you will keep trying until you figure it out. It takes courage and persistence, but it’s the only way to truly thrive in life.
Underneath the fear is a bold and brilliant person that knows how powerful and magical you truly are, and I hope this guide will help you free that version of you.
How do We Lose Our Power?
People may lose or give away their power for various reasons. One common reason is fear—fear of failure, fear of judgment, or fear of the unknown. When individuals allow these fears to dictate their actions and decisions, they often end up giving away their power and settling for less than what they truly desire.
Other factors such as societal conditioning, self-doubt, and external pressures can also contribute to people relinquishing their power. It’s important to note that these factors can often intertwine and reinforce each other.
Reclaiming personal power involves cultivating self-awareness, addressing these underlying issues, and consciously making choices that align with one’s values and aspirations.
Let’s explore these reasons in more detail, and maybe you’ll get some insight into your own behavior.
Fear of Failure
The fear of failure can be paralyzing and prevent individuals from taking risks or pursuing their dreams. The risk of failing feels more painful than staying the same and not having what you really what.
When people allow the fear of failure to dictate their actions, they often settle for mediocrity or avoid trying altogether, thus giving away their power to fear.
Fear of Judgment
The fear of judgment from others can be a significant barrier to personal empowerment. When individuals constantly worry about what others might think or say about them, they tend to conform to societal expectations and suppress their authentic selves, giving away their power to external opinions.
Hiding away your true self always leads to unhappiness and eventually poisons relationships with the people you’re trying to please.
Self-Doubt and Limiting Beliefs
When people doubt their abilities, question their worth, or believe they are undeserving of success, they limit themselves and settle for less than what they are capable of achieving.
These limiting beliefs often come from our upbringing, whether it was passed on from a parent or our peers, and they dictate our actions in negative ways. There usually isn’t a logical reason for why we doubt ourselves, but that doubt controls us anyways and erodes our personal power.
Learn more about how to overcome limiting beliefs.
Lack of Boundaries
Failing to establish and maintain healthy boundaries can result in giving away personal power. Not being able to say no, always doing what others want at the expense of your own needs, and not standing up for yourself indicates a lack of boundaries.
If you don’t set limits on what you’re willing to do or give, people will be more likely to take more than they should. When you overextend yourself and do too much for others, you may start to feel resentful that you’re not getting anything in return. This can lead to anger and frustration, which can damage your relationships.
When you’re constantly doing things for others and saying yes to the wrong things, you can easily get burned out. This can lead to physical and emotional health problems and addition to not feeling in control of your life.
Relying too heavily on external validation and seeking approval from others always takes away our power. When we prioritize others’ opinions over our own desires and values, we diminish our ability to make independent choices and decisions.
People who need external validation often have low self-esteem and feel like they need the approval of others to feel good about themselves. This can lead to them making decisions based on what they think others will think of them, rather than what they actually want. It can also make them feel insecure and anxious, constantly worried about what others are thinking of them.
In the long run, needing external validation can be harmful to self-worth. It can prevent people from developing a strong sense of self-identity and can make them feel like they are never good enough. It can also lead to people being taken advantage of by others who know that they are seeking approval.
Playing the Victim Role
In this context, being a victim means you have relinquished your power to circumstances and fail to take responsibility for your own choices and actions. It puts you in a passive role, allowing others to choose your path.
When you see yourself as a victim, you’re not taking responsibility for your own life. You’re letting other people or circumstances control you, and you inevitably experience outcomes that make you unhappy while blaming everyone but yourself.
Believing you’re a victim can also lead to feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. If you think that bad things are always going to happen to you, you’re less likely to try to change your situation and will remain unhappy.
Finally, believing you’re a victim can isolate you from others. When you feel like you’re the only one who’s ever been through what you’ve been through, it can be hard to connect with other people who may be able to help you through your situation.
Settling for Familiarity
People often resist change and opt for what feels familiar, even if it means settling for a life that doesn’t align with their true desires. The paradox is that even when our situation is making us miserable, there is comfort in knowing what’s coming–even if it’s actually very uncomfortable.
Choosing the familiar over the unknown can lead to giving away your personal power and inhibiting personal growth and fulfillment.
Comparison and Envy
Constantly comparing oneself to others and feeling envious of their achievements or possessions diminished our own power. When individuals focus on what they lack instead of recognizing their own strengths and unique qualities, they undermine their self-confidence and potential.
When you give into envy, you are really telling yourself that you don’t have the power to get what they have—so you won’t let yourself go after it, and instead make excuses to not take action.
How to Reclaim Your Power
Reclaiming power and moving beyond fear requires conscious effort and a willingness to step outside one’s comfort zone. Here are some ways you can reclaim your power and embrace your true potential:
1. Cultivate compassionate self-awareness
Start by recognizing the beliefs and thought patterns that hold you back. Ask yourself “why do I believe that I can’t have what I want? Why does this feel dangerous to me?”
Give yourself compassion and remember that what comes up is a belief, not a fact. Often, these beliefs are rooted in fear and self-doubt. Question their validity and challenge their influence on your life.
This self-awareness will help you gain clarity about what you need to change. Then you can decide what you truly want and empower you to make choices aligned with your authentic self.
2. Redefine Yourself
Redefining yourself can help you reclaim your power and become who you want to be by giving you the opportunity to let go of old identities that no longer serve you. Then you can embrace a new identity that is more aligned with your values and goals.
When you redefine yourself, you are essentially giving yourself permission to be whoever you want to be. This can be a very empowering experience, and it can help you to live a more fulfilling life.
Here are some tips for redefining yourself:
- Reflect on your past and identify the beliefs that you have held about yourself.
- Consider which of these beliefs no longer serve you.
- Choose a new identity that is more aligned with your values and goals.
- Start applying your new identity by thinking thoughts and taking action that is aligned with it.
- Be patient and allow yourself time to adjust to your new identity.
Redefining yourself is a journey, not a destination. Develop a deep understanding of your strengths, values, and passions. Play around with what it could feel like to be that person. Be patient with yourself and enjoy the process of becoming the person you want to be.
I have a beautiful step by step program that will help you craft a new identity over the course of 21 days, learn more about Transcendence.
3. Forgive Yourself
You can’t take back your power while beating yourself up for the past.
We are often taught to give away our power as children, and we unknowingly play out that pattern through our adult lives. Be kind to yourself throughout this process, forgive yourself for your mistakes. We’re usually doing the best we can with the lessons and tools life has given us, so go easy on yourself.
Acknowledge that change takes time and effort. Treat yourself with compassion and just keep doing your best.
4. Challenge the Fear of Judgment
Recognize that the fear of judgment is often rooted in the desire to please others or conform to societal expectations. Focus on self-acceptance and prioritize your own happiness and fulfillment. You’re the one that has to live with the consequences of your choices, so why let someone else dictate your actions?
Do what feels right, lead with your heart, and pursue the fulfillment of your dreams–not your parents, friends, or society’s dreams.
Surround yourself with supportive and like-minded individuals who uplift and encourage your growth.
5. Embrace Failure as Learning
Shift your perspective on failure. Understand that setbacks and mistakes are an inherent part of growth and progress. Instead of fearing failure, see it as an opportunity for learning, resilience, and personal development.
Failure teaches you what doesn’t work and what you don’t want, which allows you to redirect to the right choices and path for you. Remember that the most successful people have failed hundreds of times and that’s how they got where they are.
6. Develop an “I Can” Attitude
When we feel powerless we develop an “I can’t do that” attitude, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. No one ever descended from the sky and told you that you’re not allowed to be successful or happy, so why subscribe to that belief?
Instead we have to challenge those disempowering thoughts and tell ourselves a new story about how we can do whatever we set our minds to and anything we want is possible for us.
The only person who decides what you can and can’t do as an adult is you, so decide that:
I can have anything I want.
I can do anything I want.
I can create anything I want.
I can be anyone I want.
No matter how long it takes, no matter how awkward it feels at first, no matter what anyone else says, you have the power to get what you want as long as you maintain this belief. When doubt comes up tell that voice, “that’s not who I am anymore, I choose to be someone who can do anything.”
This Reclaim Your Power meditation can help.
7. Set Empowering Goals
Define specific, realistic, and meaningful goals that reflect your desires and aspirations.
What would really feel good to have done?
Who would it feel good to be?
What would light you up each day?
Break your goals down into actionable steps, creating a roadmap towards your ideal life. I have the perfect big goal planner that helps you layout your goals and overcome any fears that might come up around them.
8. Take Small Steps Outside Your Comfort Zone
Start by taking small actions that push you beyond your comfort zone. Each step forward, no matter how small, builds confidence and expands your comfort zone over time.
Instead of expecting yourself to do the impossible and become a whole new person in one day, focus on tiny little changes. In time, these small actions add up to big results. Here are some ideas for stepping outside your comfort zone:
- Say no to something that doesn’t feel good.
- Share your opinion even if someone might disagree.
- Engage in a new activity or hobby that you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet.
- Take a small risk.
- Engage in physical activities that challenge your comfort zone, such as rock climbing, hiking, or participating in a fitness class.
- Create a new habit or routine.
- Find a mentor who has done what you want to do and ask them questions or study them.
9. Celebrate Your Success
Celebrating your success is a powerful way to boost your confidence and motivation. It can help you to feel good about yourself and your accomplishments, and it can also inspire you to keep going after your goals.
Take some time to reflect on your successes and be proud of what you have achieved. Write down a list of 20 things, big and small, that you’ve accomplished over your life. Give yourself validation instead of relying on other people for it.
Share your successes with people you know will be supportive. If there is someone in your life that always diminishes your success, please do not go to them as they will not make you feel good.
Celebrate in a way that feels meaningful to you. This could mean going out for dinner, buying yourself a gift, or simply taking some time for yourself to relax and enjoy your success.
Remember that you are capable of great things and use your successes to fuel your confidence.
10. Seek Support
Reach out to mentors, therapists, or supportive friends who can provide guidance, encouragement, and accountability as you reclaim your power. Consider seeking professional help if your fears and self-limiting beliefs are deeply rooted.
When you connect with others, you’ll realize that you’re not alone and that you do have the power to change your life.
Remember, reclaiming power is a journey, and it requires patience, self-reflection, and consistent effort. By acknowledging your fears, challenging limiting beliefs, and taking courageous steps, you can expand into the amazing and powerful person you truly are, unencumbered by fear.
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