The Big Leap Mindset: Overcoming Your Upper Limit to Achieve More Happiness and Success
Have you ever noticed that just when things in your life start going really well—whether it’s in your career, relationships, or personal growth—something seems to go wrong? Maybe you land a big opportunity, but suddenly you feel unmotivated. Or you finally reach a happy, healthy place in your life, only to find yourself picking fights or creating problems out of nowhere.
If this sounds familiar, you might be hitting your Upper Limit.
The Upper Limit is a concept introduced by Gay Hendricks in his book The Big Leap, and it explains why many of us unconsciously sabotage our own success and happiness. According to Hendricks, we all have an internal thermostat for how much success, love, and joy we believe we deserve. When we exceed this limit, we often react by retreating into old patterns, creating unnecessary drama, or finding ways to bring ourselves back down to a more “comfortable” level.
But the good news is, you don’t have to stay stuck in this cycle. By recognizing when you’re hitting your Upper Limit and actively working to expand it, you can break free from self-sabotage and step into a life of greater success, happiness, and fulfillment.
In this article, we’ll explore how to identify the signs of an Upper Limit problem and, most importantly, how to push past it so you can fully embrace the next level of your life.
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Where Does the Upper Limit Come From?
This self-imposed ceiling is often shaped by childhood conditioning, societal beliefs, and past experiences. For example, if someone was raised in an environment where struggle was normalized, they might subconsciously feel guilty or anxious when life becomes too easy or successful.
Instead of embracing the abundance, they might create problems—whether through procrastination, picking fights in relationships, or even sudden illnesses—just to return to their comfort zone.
Recognizing this pattern is the first step toward breaking free from it.
What Does Reaching Your Upper Limit Look Like?
Hitting your Upper Limit doesn’t always look obvious. It often manifests as setbacks that seem unrelated to success itself. You might land an amazing job opportunity but suddenly feel unmotivated or make careless mistakes.
Or, after reaching a new level of happiness in a relationship, you might start nitpicking small issues, creating unnecessary drama. These patterns aren’t random—they’re unconscious attempts to regulate your level of happiness and keep you in familiar territory.
The key to identifying when you’ve reached your Upper Limit is to notice the timing of your struggles. If setbacks, conflicts, or negative emotions appear right after a breakthrough or a period of joy, it’s likely your internal thermostat is trying to pull you back to a “safe” level.
By becoming aware of these patterns, you can start consciously choosing to push past them rather than letting them dictate your life.
Retreating From Success
One common way people hit their Upper Limit is by retreating from success. This often looks like suddenly feeling overwhelmed, losing motivation, or questioning whether you even want the success you’ve worked for. You might find yourself procrastinating, turning down opportunities, or feeling an urge to quit right when things are going well.
This retreat often happens because success challenges your existing identity. If you’ve always seen yourself as “someone who struggles” or “someone who gets by but never thrives,” then true success can feel threatening. Rather than embracing it, you might unconsciously pull back to avoid the discomfort of growth.
The key to overcoming this is recognizing that discomfort doesn’t mean something is wrong—it’s simply a sign that you’re expanding beyond your old limits.
Self-Sabotaging Good Things
Another telltale sign of reaching your Upper Limit is sabotaging the good things in your life. This could mean picking fights in a happy relationship, missing deadlines at work right after receiving praise, or making impulsive decisions that undo your progress. Often, these behaviors are driven by deep-seated fears—fear of failure, fear of judgment, or even fear of success itself.
Self-sabotage can be tricky because it often disguises itself as rational behavior. You might convince yourself that quitting a project is just a “better choice,” or that distancing yourself from a great partner is “for the best.”
But if you dig deeper, you’ll often find an underlying fear of stepping into a new, unfamiliar level of happiness or achievement. The more you can recognize these patterns, the easier it becomes to stop them before they derail your progress.
Avoiding the Unknown
The fear of the unknown is one of the biggest reasons people hit their Upper Limit. When you’re stepping into new levels of success, you’re also stepping into uncertainty. You don’t know exactly how things will turn out, and that can be terrifying. Your mind may try to convince you to stay where it’s safe, even if that means staying stuck.
Avoiding the unknown can look like turning down new opportunities, overanalyzing decisions until you do nothing, or convincing yourself that you’re “not ready.” The truth is, no one ever feels completely ready for a big leap forward.
Growth requires moving forward despite uncertainty. The more you embrace the unknown as part of the process, the more you’ll be able to expand your Upper Limit without fear holding you back.
5 Ways to Overcome Your Upper Limit
Identify Your Fear
The first step to overcoming your Upper Limit is identifying what you’re afraid of. Are you afraid of failure? Judgment? Change? Or maybe you fear losing connection with people who are used to you being a certain way? Understanding your specific fear can help you see how it’s influencing your behavior.
Journaling or self-reflection can be powerful tools for uncovering these fears. Ask yourself, “What am I afraid will happen if I become more successful or happier than I am now?” The answers might surprise you. Once you identify your fear, you can start challenging it instead of letting it control you.
Expand Your Capacity for Happiness and Success
Since the Upper Limit is essentially a limit on how much happiness or success you’re willing to accept, one of the best ways to overcome it is to actively expand your capacity to receive. This means allowing yourself to sit with joy and success without immediately looking for something to go wrong.
Try practicing gratitude and mindfulness to help normalize positive experiences. If you catch yourself feeling anxious when things are going well, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are allowed to experience happiness without guilt or fear. The more you practice this, the easier it becomes to hold onto good things without sabotaging them.
Adopt the Identity As Someone Who Has What You Want
To permanently move past your Upper Limit, you need to upgrade your self-concept. If you don’t see yourself as someone who is successful, happy, or thriving, you’ll always find a way to return to your old identity.
Start affirming your new identity daily. Instead of thinking, “I’m someone who struggles with money,” shift your mindset to, “I’m someone who manages money well and attracts abundance.” Visualization can also help—picture yourself confidently living in your new level of success.
The more you embody this new version of yourself, the less resistance you’ll feel toward growth. Normalize the idea of having more of the things you want, make it feel natural to be at the next level.
Challenge Your Comfort Zone
Growth requires discomfort. If you want to expand your Upper Limit, you have to get used to pushing past what feels familiar. This means saying yes to opportunities that scare you, speaking up when you normally stay quiet, or continuing forward even when self-doubt creeps in.
One way to do this is by setting small challenges for yourself. If you tend to retreat when things get good, challenge yourself to stay present and keep moving forward. Remind yourself that discomfort is just part of the process, not a sign that you’re on the wrong path.
Keep Working on Personal Development
Finally, overcoming your Upper Limit isn’t a one-time fix—it’s a lifelong process. As you grow, your Upper Limit will shift, presenting new challenges at each level. That’s why ongoing personal development is essential.
Keep reading, learning, and surrounding yourself with people who inspire growth. Invest in coaching, mentorship, or any resources that help you move forward. The more you actively work on expanding your mindset, the easier it becomes to break past old limitations and create a life that feels truly limitless.
I hope you found this guide to overcoming your Upper Limit helpful!